Now, listen, I don’t really like to write about celebrities much – but way more of you guys read my shit when I do. So I’ll do a little bit of give the people what they want and do some of this nonsense every now and then.
I’m went camping this weekend. I’ll even tell you where if you ask, and I would have told you before I went, because I’m not one of these people that is really all that concerned about “Big Brother” knowing my location. I hope they watched. It’d be a pretty decent reality show. It was mostly just me and some other people drinking a ton of beer by nature and being chill as shit. Basically being cooler versions of Bear Grylls. I also ate burgers cuz I’m a bit of a naughty bitch and fiber one bars cuz I’m a bit of a mindful bitch, too. Not quite mindful enough though because I got a little bit sunburned from not using enough of this magical stuff early on .
Anyway, I went camping this weekend, so I’ve been thinking about camping. I wanted to write something for the site so here goes. Celebrities I’d Like To Go Camping With. Did I NEED to capitalize all of those words? Maybe not, but I’m just in THAT kind of mood. Y’know? Anyway, let’s roll.
I’d have to be careful about who I picked, because not everyone likes camping. Some people, hate it.
I also don’t ideally want to camp with someone who is too “fragile”, “high maintenance”, or share a tent with someone who gets sick easily.
I don’t want to camp with someone who needs to stick to a strict schedule and is really bossy about it.
I don’t want to camp with somebody who needs to be doing athletic activities non-stop while we’re out there.
For me, a lot of the upside of camping is the lack of rules, expectations, and boundaries. When I go camping, I want at least one dude like this there.
I’d be curious to see what she would do with less technology and no internet therefore not having twitter as a rant outlet. It’d be interesting to sit around the campfire and dig inside that head and see what happened.
I’d be like, “C’mon girl. Level with me. Your career hat hit a stalling out point, and you decide to pull a Charlie Sheen to get publicity, right? Clearly you’re crazy like a fox and you’ve just gone full Sheen. You can’t think being a judgmental condescending dickhead just insulting people for their looks while you rock cheek jewelry that must be a hassle at airport security is a good look or lifepath aside from getting your name trending on the net, right?”
I’d also ask what the deal with Drake is.
So do you want to bang that dude or not?
You think he’s ugly?
Why would you drag your sister into this…
just to diss her?
If she didn’t give me any straight answers and was for real batshit crazy aka batdoodie kookoo then maybe I’d just say screw it and we’d go dancing at the nearby BYOB barn once she got over the fact that I’m ugly.
The man I just spoke of. I’d want to hang with him for basically the same reasons. Also
– He talks funny
– We both dig chivalry
– He could do cool tricks around the campfire
– Also it’s well documented that he knows how to have a good time.
Same reasons as Bynes and Sheen. Also:
– I imagine he’d probably insist on bringing some super swanky RV that could be a good escape and a pretty dope place to charge my phone.
– He could maybe entertain us with some of his favorite music
THE CAST OF IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
That’s good enough for me.
– He’s one of the greatest wrestlers of all time and he’s on a hunting show so he could defend us from any dangerous intruders with bows, arrows, firearms, or superkicks.
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
Speaking of the best wrestlers of all time, this guy might be #1. He’s also an outdoorsy type who likes to drink a beer or thirty and is a low maintenance dude who wouldn’t complain about not having posh surroundings.
This link to an excerpt from his book The Stone Cold Truth where he talks about living in a double wide trailer as being one of the happiest times in his life.
Now Bear Grylls is probably a reason a lot of people wanted to try camping in the first place. He was one of the first outdoor show celebrities I heard my friends talk about.
I’m not going to deny he’s a badass, but it turns out a lot of the segments were staged in a way to make them look better for television and he was sleeping in hotels when he was supposedly camping out in forests and jungles. This next guy, however, is the realest of the deals through and through.
So basically this guy is a Canadian and seems pretty friendly (shocker), who also has a background in the music industry (good for campfire entertainment), and a total badass that could save our lives in any potential risky environment we found ourselves stranded in.