About swenky

If I weren't me, I wouldn't remember me either.

Friendship Survival Guide

Congratulations! If you are reading this, then you have successfully survived the Rapture. The hardest part is over. If you are asking yourself “self, my pious and virtuous friends are now and Heaven and I’m stuck on Earth with all of the Godless sinners, what should I do?”, don’t get down about it. All you have to do is find new friends! And these new friends, being wicked sinful people, will be even more fun than your previous friends! Unlike before, your new friends will be into cool, rebellious stuff like smoking cigarettes, drinking hard liquor and having threesomes. It’s never too late to try new things! In conclusion, making new friends is always a fun thing to do, even in the face of Armageddon.

Advertisements

Travellin’ Across The U.S. of A: Friendship Edition

Friends of all races (but not genders, gross!), I have just returned home from a 4 day trip to and from the sunny, beautiful state of South Carolina. It was the first time I have ever stepped foot there and boy do I wish I would have done it much sooner! In a personal observation, I noticed that people’s affect improves in this slow gradual increase the closer they are to the ocean. This leads me to theorize that the closer you are to an ocean, the nicer the person you are. Now, I don’t have the tools or even interest in studying that correlation to see if it’s true, but I know it’s true because my gut tells me so and my gut is right more often than my brain is. So, that being aside, I now can say with full confidence that the people of Compton California are super duper nice and the people of Shakopee Minnesota are the most bitter people who probably relieve their anger through abusing cute animals and satanic rituals (and I didn’t choose Shakopee at random, It’s just a hilarious name to type and even funnier to say aloud). So friends, heed this warning, make new friends in Compton (especially if they’re wearing bandanas, they just want to play cowboys and indians!) but avoid the fools of Shakopee with all your might.

Mad Libs-Ke$ha Edition!

I don’t need you and your brand new (NOUN)
Or your (ADJECTIVE) friends
And I don’t need love looking like (PLURAL NOUN)
Looking like (PLURAL NOUN)

Get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy
Get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy
Imma get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy
Imma get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy, get sleazy

I don’t need you and your brand new (NOUN)
Or your (ADJECTIVE) friends
And I don’t need love looking like (PLURAL NOUN)
Looking like (PLURAL NOUN)

I don’t need you and your brand new (NOUN)
Or your (ADJECTIVE) friends
And I don’t need love looking like (PLURAL NOUN)
Looking like (PLURAL NOUN)

Continue reading

An Epiphany

Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I’m just brimming the surface of all of life’s possilbilites and not really living life to the fullest. As a result, I have recently decided to “go there” as often as I possibly can. Yeah, I’m not going to live in fear any longer of totally “going there” with people. You say something to me, and I’ll take it to a place that you didn’t think I was bold enough to take it to. Yeah, you heard me, I went there! I hope Landon and his “in-your-face” attitutude can deal with the fact that I’m going to “go there” with him as often as possible.

Puppiez!

I know this probably makes me sound incredibly insensitive, but my dog is in the winter of her life. Little Layla is 13 and I can tell that she is to the point where she longs to retire to a nice little puppy farm in the Miami beach area to live out the remainder of her life. As a result, I adopted a new puppy, a young verile playful puppy named Steve. He, in short, is Layla’s replacement. Now don’t get me wrong, I still show affection for Layla, but Steve is pretty perfect. With that being said, Steve has had quite the journey in the short 9 months he has been in existence. He was found this past winter wandering the mean streets of Chesterfield by the local veterinarian there and soon found that his front left paw and rear right paw had a bad case of gangrene needing immediate amputation. But his disability does not hinder either his cuteness or his disposition in life. This is why I love dogs.